How to use dictionaries

A few years ago, when I translated complicated English text, as my boss ordered me to do (and hated him like hell because of that) I noticed that, when looking in hurry for technical stuff, I found now and again words and phrases commenting my situation, sometimes with sympathy, and sometimes just making fun at me. I was used already to chat with Yi Qing and knew its strange sense of humor. So I "found the rhythm" and the dictionary started to be very useful.

Sometimes it predicts something two months in future, sometimes just five minutes in the future, but always it is right. Besides, it has character (tyhis something which answers my questions, not the book), personality, likes to chat, and, if it was real, alive person, as it tries to make me to believe, it would be my best friend (even if we fight sometimes). It is easy to prove to me that I talk to a human, right? Just to meet me. If it can foretell the future, it proves to me only that it can foretell future, right? It don't need to be more than my, over proportional subconsciousness.

But I know someone who made a few tricks of this kind to me ... So the question is still open.

On the other hand, I talk some of my friends into this new use of a dictionary and they had also nice results, even if they are not "mediums" and never were interested in this kind of activity.

So, if you want to try, it is easy. I prefer little Chinese - English dictionary because it has plenty of sentences, but any will do. I ought to open it with both hands, see where your thumbs are (and look also if it is first or second column on the page) - and read what your fingers indicate. Remember that you have to use also your imagination a little. For instance - "mail", in the sense of knight's armour, means for me "E-mail".

And it is all you need to know.

Have a nice time!

How not to use dictionaries

Now you understand (more or less) what the dictionary tries to tell you. You feel safe with this new tool. It tells you stories about things to happen and describes why other things happened in the past. It is OK. Enjoy yourself.

But remember: never, never - and it means NEVER, ask it about help to get something you really need. NEVER ask about something you really care about.

Why? Let me tell you my own story. It is not the most unpleasant story about my dictionary I have in store (you know I quarrel with it often), but it is simple.

I was thinking about Tai-Chi teacher. I don't earn enough to pay for lessons. I was thinking about a way I can pay for lessons other way - like making www pages for school in exchange. I asked about teacher I don't need to pay half of my fun money to. It said "tomorrow".

And, really, the next day I was looking for something in bookstore and voila! For the first time in my life I saw big poster of Bruce Lee in Polish shop. Yeah, Bruce would be wonderful teacher. Yeah, I found good teacher, from the point of view of my dictionary it was doing what I wanted. I wanted a teacher and I could have him for mere 17 zlotys.

You see, this entity deals in a world of ideas. A teacher painted is as good as real one, perhaps even better. Asking it about something is hard job. Even if you think you covered everything it often finds a kind of shortcut you didn't see when asking a question.

It was not a thing I would cry over whole night. But just imagine something like that: you are lonely, fed up with your loneliness and bad luck, you are trying to get an answer how to find love and this thing says to you "tomorrow" "at six" and "TV". And when it is six o'clock the next day you find there is "Love Story" on your favorite channel. Then you feel cheated, unhappy, and you ask again, trying to explain to this idiot what you want. "Wife" it says cheerfully. Oh, yeah, you say, hoping it understands you at last, and, of course, here comes your neighbor lady, who is the wife of your neighbor. You wanted a wife, a wife you got.

Throwing around the next fistful of your precious hair, you try to tell this idiot, who was so intelligent only yesterday telling you about your boss and his problems, what do you need. Ah, you need love, it says, "nothing to worry about". The next day you fall in love with someone who doesn't want to live on the same planet with you. You forgot to add "and to be loved". Perhaps it is better, you don't need to run away from someone else whose love you don't want.

In short, if there is something you really need, the only thing you get is the feeling of being cheated by heartless, sadistic, lying bastard just for its sick, sadistic fun.

Laughing Nun's comments:

I understand the effect Eve was talking about has a name of "lemurian effect". It is true that you cannot use any means of divination if there is an emotion attached to the subject (it is why you rather ought to ask someone else to do it for you). Some people say it is rather the outcome of egoistic wishes, but I am not sure. If looking for love is egoistic wish, what would happen to Western Teacher and his teaching?

But I was amused more by the adventure with Bruce Lee's poster. Many wise men had teachers from "the other side". It is popular, for instance, in India. But it is understandable Eve is fed up with experiments. Hope to hear soon how she proceeded with Shadow. White Boned Tiger already met with Crucified Man and the story is going on. If you didn't read the story before, you have to wait. Polish version is not ready yet.